NOTE: These were originally published as "Thoughts of the Day" in Newz and Viewz, JJO's print and online zine. An E-zine, with this and much more, is available weekly. To subscribe, E-mail newzviewz@aol.com with the subject "SUBSCRIBE", or to check out more N&V humor, visit jjo.cgiforme.com/nav today!

Would people still go in car pools if they were literally car pools?

Is Turkey the favorite food in Turkey the country?

Cows moo, but have they ever milked it?

If I had a pen for every compliment I received, I wouldn't have had to type this.

Foreign languages were created to confuse whatever is understood in life.

Two people speaking different languages are a failure to communicate.

If I was given a nickel for every funny joke I had made, I'd be broke. Not because I didn't tell any, but because I would have spent the money.

When the going gets rough, the tough get a course sandpaper.

Be like James Bond. Take life's problems and mix them up. Shaken, not stirred.

If we think a computer is artificial intelligence, could the computer actually be thinking the same thing about us?

Follow the words of Rodney King: Can't we all just get alawyer?

It would be interesting for someone to tell an exterminator, "Just step on it."

I wonder if a person ever caught a computer virus.

Coming up with thoughts is difficult. Hey! That's a thought! This is easy!

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life gives you lemonade, you're a sour puss.

Never wear clothing with pins in them. I will never do that... again.

A penny saved isn't worth much.

Time has limits. After all, there's only 24 hours in a day.

When people learn how to tell time, what do they tell it?

Have people ever caught a compliment when fishing for one?

People who create mascara are people who make up make-up.

When people say they would eat a house, I don't believe it. Now, if the house had no windows...

If milk is whole when no fat is removed, then what is it at 1 or 2%?

Two roads diverged in a wood... and I, I turned around and went home, because I'm afraid of the woods.

I knew a famous golf player once... he was placed in a mental home after he was found in a place called Par King trying to putt golf balls into tail pipes.

Are there a lot of teachers in a school of fish?

A penny saved is worth 1.5 cents in Canada.

It would be interesting to hear the president of GM say, "What are you driving at?"

It would be interesting for a mobster to say, "Kill that light!"

People find old black and white shows boring. Since dogs see in black and white, do they sleep all the time because they find us boring?

On the road of life, there are passengers, drivers, and potholes.

They say it is better to give than to receive. But if you give to yourself, is that even beter?

99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer... all of those bottles should happen to fall, because beer cannot stay on a wall.

Has an examiner examined exams for the National Examiner?

If a fat lady sings to end a concert, then Joe Cocker sings to end a concert.

If you are what you eat, Kate Moss is nonexistant.

It would be interesting to get a hydroelectric plant manager steamed.

I wonder how often an arsonist gets fired up.

The grass may be greener on the other side, but that's nothing a litle paint can't fix.